i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
P.S. I can't hear my feet
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
