sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
