this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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