while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize