I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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