I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
