i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
