Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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