I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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