Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
