what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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