I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
