no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
