Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
