Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
