Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Randomize
