The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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