Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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