I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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