I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
