Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I party with great urgency now.
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