ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize