Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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