well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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