Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize