In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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