I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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