I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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