3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
