please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
