Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
