I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
