I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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