I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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