I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Boobs are out for the taking
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
