her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize