I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
