You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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