How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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