I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
