mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize