New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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