So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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