I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize