I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
