Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
