Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
