You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
