I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
