why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
