A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
