There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
