oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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