That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
