I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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