I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
