I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize