shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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