4 words: hood of his car
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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