And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and she was petting her beer can
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
