Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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