My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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