the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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