My nipple is on Facebook.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
