all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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