There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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