He asked to "fluff my boner.."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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