Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
