If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
