YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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