Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
