Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize