I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
