i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
