So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
