a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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