IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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