Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
