he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
its liver damage thursday
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
