So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
