they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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