I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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