it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
