I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize