well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
