I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it was like eating out sand paper
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
