Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize