i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
