a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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