the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
