I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize