But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
