WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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