No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize